He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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