And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
