I wanna bring you to show and tell
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize