im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize