is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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