I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
