Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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