im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
