i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
