...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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