the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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