i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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