Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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