put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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