I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
