I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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