Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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