I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my being single is dangerous.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize