the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
