Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
