Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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