sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
