I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
