I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
