Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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