I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
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I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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