Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
