so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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