You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
