You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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