i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
