this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
