there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
