He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You were trust falling into bushes
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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