My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
