did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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