babies were throwing up all over the place
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
