I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
