He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
