Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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