Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
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We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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