The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
