I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
