Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
