thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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