Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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