Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize