i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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