Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
