either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
