I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
