I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
