So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Is it because I queefed?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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