I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
