So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize