We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
