It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We need to get me chipped asap
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
