My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
