I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
