Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
