two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
