thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he fucked my hip out of place.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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