I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
