Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
