He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
