There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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