is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
