Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
