the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
