My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
