I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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