jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
