We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
