You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
