just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize