We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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