she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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