idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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